"I've
always made a total effort, even when the odds
seemed entirely against me. I never quit
trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance
to win." -Arnold Palmer
"Eighteen
holes of match play will teach you more about your
foe than nineteen years of dealing with him across
the desk." -Grantland Rice
"The
fundamental problem with golf is that every
so often, no matter how lacking you may be
in the essential virtues required of a steady
player, the odds are that one day you will hit the
ball straight, hard, and out of sight. This is the
essential frustration of this excruciating
sport. For when you've done it once, you
make the fundamental error of asking yourself why
you can't do this all the time. The answer to this
question is simple: the first time was a
fluke." -Colin Bowles
"Talking
to a golf ball won't do you any good. Unless you
do it while your opponent is teeing
off." -Bruce Lansky
"If
you think it's hard to meet new people, try
picking up the wrong golf ball." -Jack Lemmon
"When
I'm on a golf course and it starts to rain
and lightning, I hold up my one iron, 'caus
I know even God can't hit a one iron." -Lee
Trevino
"I'll
always remember the day I broke ninety. I
had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so
excited I forgot to play the back nine."
-Bruce Lansky
"As
you walk down the fairway of life you must
smell the roses, for you only get to play one
round." -Ben Hogan
"My
best score ever was 103, but I've only been
playing 15 years." -Alex Karris
"Golf
is the hardest game in the world to play,
and the easiest to cheat at." -Dave
Hill
"Never
bet with anyone you meet on the first tee,
who has a deep suntan, a one iron in his bag and
squinty eyes." -Dave Marr
"The
golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking
about the mechanics of the act while you are
performing." -Dave Hill
"Golf
is a game whose aim is to hit a very small
ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons
singularly ill-designed for the purpose."
-Winston Churchill
"Relax?
How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to
grip the club don't you?" -Ben Hogan
"You
don't know what pressure is until you've
played for five dollars a hole with only two in
your pocket."-Lee Trevino
"Golf
is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot
six and write down five." -Paul Harvey
"A
lot of guys who have have never choked, have never
been in the position to do so." -Tom
Watson
"I'm
hitting the woods just great, but I'm having
a terrible time getting out of them" -Harry
Tofcano
"Golf
is a game where guts and blind devotion will
always net you absolutely nothing but an
ulcer." -Tommy Bolt
"Golf
is based on honesty, where else would you
admit to a seven on a par three?" -Jimmy
Demaret
"It's
nice to have the opportunity to play for so much
money, but it's nicer to win it."
-Patty Sheenan
"I
play with friends, but we don't play
friendly games." -Ben Hogan
"Golf
is an ideal diversion, but a ruinous
disease." -Bertie Forbes
"Putts
get real difficult the day they hand out the
money." -Lee Trevino
"There
are no points for style when it comes to
putting. It's getting the ball in the cup
that counts." -Brian Swarbrick
"Golf
is twenty percent mechanics and technique.
The other eighty percent is philosophy, humor,
tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship,
camaraderie, cussedness, and conversation."
-Grantland Rice
"The
harder you work, the luckier you get." -Gary
Player "Victory is everything. You can spend
the money, but you can never spend the
memories." -Ken Venturi
"Golf
is 90 percent inspiration and 10 percent
perspiration." -Johnny Miller
"The
number one thing about trouble is...don't get into
more." -Dave Stockton
"It's
the most fun I've had with my clothes on."
-Lee Trevino
"Mulligan:
invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more
twenty yard grounder." -Jim Bishop
"If
you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's
recreation. If you work at it, it's golf."
-Bob Hope
"The
only shots you can be sure of are those you've had
already." -Byron Nelson
"Golf
and sex are about the only things you can
enjoy without being good at it." -Jimmy
Demaret
"Most
golfers prepare for disaster. A good golfer
prepares for success." -Bob Toski
"You've
just one problem. You stand too close to the
ball after you've hit it." -Sam Snead
"The
fun you get from golf is in direct ratio to
the effort you don't put into it." -Bob
Allen
"Golf
is good walk spoiled." -Mark Twain
"We
have fifty-one golf courses in Palm Springs.
He(Gerald Ford) never decides which course he will
play until after the first tee shot...At least he
can't cheat on his score- because all you
have to do is look back down the fairway and
count the wounded." -Bob Hope
"You
can't lose an old golf ball." -John
Willis
"Indeed,
the highest pleasure of golf may be that on the
fairways and far from all the pressures of
commerce and rationality, we can feel immortal for
a few hours." -Colman McCarthy
"My
game is so bad I gotta hire three caddies-
one to walk the left rough, one for the right, and
one for the middle. And the one in the middle
doesn't have much to do." -Dave Hill
"When
he gets the ball into a tough place, that's
when he's most relaxed. I think it's because he
has so much experience at it." -Don
Christopher(Jack Lemmon's Caddie)
"A
professional will tell you the amount of flex you
need in the shaft of your club. The more the
flex, the more strength you will need to break the
thing over your knees." -Stephen Baker
"There
are three ways of learning golf: by study,
which is the most wearisome; by imitation, which
is the most fallacious; and by experience, which
is the most bitter." -Robert Browning
"Why
am I using a new putter? Because the last one
didn't float too well." -Craig Stadler
"Obviously
a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before
and knows that the safest place to be when you
play is right down the middle." -Jackie
Gleason
"I'd
like to see the fairways more narrow. Then
everybody would have to play from the rough,
not just me." -Seve Ballesteros
"We
speak of eyeball-to-eyeball encounters between men
great and small. Even more reaching and revealing
of character is the eyeball-to-golfball
confrontation, whereby our most secret natures are
mercilessly tested by a small, round, whitish
object with no mind or will but with a very
definite life of its own, and with whims perverse
and beatific." -John Stewart Martin
"Be
funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's
mother about her heart condition?" -Phil
Silvers
"The
reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head
down is so you can't see him laughing."
-Phyllis Diller
"I'd
give up golf if I didn't have so many
sweaters." -Bob Hope
"The
person I fear most in the last two rounds is
myself." -Tom Watson
"
Everybody has two swings-a beautiful
practice swing and the choked-up one with with
which they hit the ball. So it wouldn't do either
of us a damned bit of good to look at your
practice swing." -Ed Furgol
"If
your caddie coaches you on the tee, 'Hit it
down the left side with a little draw,'
ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to
hit the caddie." -Jim Murray
"Always
throw your clubs ahead of you. That way you don't
have to waste energy going back to pick them
up." -Tommy Bolt
"Always
keep in mind that if God didn't want a man
to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't come
three to a sleeve." -Dan Jenkins
"I
know I'm getting better at golf because I'm
hitting fewer spectators." -Gerald Ford
"Competitive
golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch
course, the space between your ears." -Bobby
Jones
"Actually,
the only time I ever took out a one iron was to
kill a tarantula. And I took a seven to do
that." -Jim Murry
"The
right way to play golf is to go up and hit
the bloody thing." -George Duncan
"If
you pick up a golfer and hold it close to
your ear, like a conch shell, and listen-
you will hear an alibi." -Fred Beck
"He
enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond
all understanding, which comes at its maximum only
to the man who has given up golf." -P.G.
Wodehouse
"I
played like s___." -Greg Norman after the
Masters.
"Every
rock'n'roll band I know, guys with long hair
and tattoos, plays golf now." -Alice Cooper,
47.
"Golf
tips are like aspirin. One may do you good,
but if you swallow the whole bottle you will
be lucky to survive." -Harvey Penick
"Nobody
asked how you looked, just what you
shot." -Sam Snead (Tnx..JP)
"Happiness
is a long walk with a putter." -Greg Norman (Tnx..JoeT)
"You
know what they say about big hitters...the woods
are full of them." -Jimmy Demaret (Tnx..TZ)
"Golf
is an easy game...It's just hard to
play." -unknown (Tnx..KK) "Playing golf
is just like going to a strip club. You're all
revved up, ready to go. But three hours later,
you're depressed, plastered, and most of your
balls are missing." -James Clark (tnx..LC)
"..corr
blimey O'Reilly" - Peter Alliss is
astounded by a put or shot at the British Open
(Tnx..CM)
"The
mind messes up more shots than the body."
Tommy Bolt (Tnx..AC)
"In
Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of
beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine
chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form
of self expression. In America we call it
golf."- Becker (Tnx..bs, who's becker?)
"Golf
is a sport in which the ball lies poorly but the
player well" -Unknown (Tnx..clv)
"They
say golf is like life, but don't believe
them. It's more complicated than that."
-Gardner Dickinson (ditto)
�Golf
is like marbles for adults�- unknown (Thanks..EMcC)
In
Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled
�Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden�. . . and
thus the word GOLF entered into the English
language.- Not a quote but a word origin from
J.Brown..tnx
GOLF
SAYINGS
1. Golf can best be defined as an endless series
of tragedies obscured by
the occasional miracle.
2. "I wish I could play my normal game...just
once."
3. "Golf is harder than baseball. In golf,
you have to play your foul
balls."
4. If you find you do not mind playing golf in the
rain, the snow, even
during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your
life is in trouble.
5. Golfers who try to make everything perfect
before taking the shot
rarely make a perfect shot.
6. The term "mulligan" is really a
contraction of the phrase "maul it
again."
7. A "gimme" can best be defined as an
agreement between two
golfers...neither of whom can putt very well.
8. An interesting thing about golf is that no
matter how badly you play;
it is always possible to get worse.
9. Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go
out and slice it and
shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every
green. The next day you
go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
10. I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than
that, I won't play.
11. If your best shots are the practice swing and
the "gimme Putt", you
might wish to reconsider this game.
12. Achieving a certain level of success in golf
is only important if you
can finally enjoy the level you've reached after
you've reached it.
13. Golf is the only sport where the most feared
opponent is you.
14. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself
too seriously it won't
work... and both are expensive.
15. The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the
pencil.
16. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the
ability to add
correctly.
17. In golf, some people tend to get confused with
all the numbers...
they shoot a "six," yell
"fore" and write "five".
18. Swing easy. Hit hard.
19. If you find yourself pleased that you locate
more balls in the rough
than you actually have lost, your focus is totally
wrong and your
personality might not be right for golf...it is
also just a matter of
time before the IRS investigates your business.
20. Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball
over water than sand?
21. Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You
swing left and the
ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top
of that, the winner
buys the drinks.
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